By Niobe Way
“Boys are emotionally illiterate and don’t wish intimate friendships.” during this empirically grounded problem to our stereotypes approximately boys and males, Niobe approach finds the serious intimacy between teenage boys specifically in the course of early and center youth. Boys not just percentage their inner most secrets and techniques and emotions with their closest male buddies, they declare that with out them they'd pass “wacko.” but as boys turn into males, they turn into distrustful, lose those friendships, and think remoted and alone.Drawing from hundreds and hundreds of interviews carried out all through early life with black, Latino, white, and Asian American boys, Deep secrets and techniques finds the ways that now we have been telling ourselves a fake tale approximately boys, friendships, and human nature. Boys’ descriptions in their male friendships sound extra like “something out of affection tale than Lord of the Flies.” but in overdue formative years, boys believe they must “man up” by way of changing into stoic and self sufficient. susceptible feelings and intimate friendships are for women and homosexual males. “No homo” turns into their mantra.These findings are alarming, given what we all know approximately hyperlinks among friendships and future health, or even toughness. instead of a “boy crisis,” method argues that boys are experiencing a “crisis of connection” simply because they stay in a tradition the place human wishes and capacities are given a intercourse (female) and a sexuality (gay), and hence discouraged should you are neither. method argues that the answer lies with exposing the inaccuracies of our gender stereotypes and fostering those severe relationships and basic human abilities. (20110411)
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Extra info for Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection
88 The boys in my studies are ethnically, racially, and socioeco- THE HIDDEN LANDSCAPE OF BOYS’ FRIENDSHIPS 35 nomically diverse but include primarily ethnic and racial minority youth from poor and working class families who live in cities in the Northeast of the United States. I focus primarily on poor and working class urban boys of color because they not only continue to be overlooked in the scholarship on boys, friendships, and human development in general (except in a few areas such as in studies of violence and gangs) but also represent a growing percentage of the teenage population under the age of 20.
73 Eliot draws attention to the ways in which we make our stereotypes about girls, boys, emotions, and relationships into what is naturally rather than what ought not to be culturally. ”74 Frans de Waal, a world-renowned primatologist, makes a re- THE HIDDEN LANDSCAPE OF BOYS’ FRIENDSHIPS 29 lated point in his book The Age of Empathy. Rather than focusing on gender differences per se, de Waal simply sets out to show that empathy and the emotional and social skills that are evident among the boys in my studies are fundamentally human (and nonhuman primate) qualities.
Drawing from theories of gender intensification,18 these authors underscore the felt pressure that boys experience to ad- I N V E S T I G AT I N G B O Y S , F R I E N D S H I P S , A N D H U M A N N AT U R E 45 here to these codes of behavior and the suffering that boys experience as a result of such adherence. Parents, peers, the media, and other socializing elements, they argue, put tremendous pressure on boys to accommodate to these codes or gender stereotypes, and this felt pressure, as well as the enactment of gender stereotypes, is considered bad for boys’ mental and physical health.
Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection by Niobe Way